Grace

Part 1: Struggles

And here’s an impressive nugget that bowled me over today when it occurred to me: You can’t “fall from grace.” Just into it. That’s the point–it is freely given, unmerited. The idiom is a myth; grace doesn’t get taken away when you mess up. That’s what makes it amazing (!). — Cricket

I love finding gems like this on Cricket’s blog. Her post, although in two parts, fit very well with what I’m struggling with lately. Grace is something that I constantly seek because I often feel like I’ve screwed up or been a jerk. It feels like heartbreak each time I realize that I’ve been wrong. And yet I keep making mistakes.

Part 2: I refuse to apologize for…

• being modest or classy (in behavior and my wardrobe)
• preferring high-quality, expensive things
• loving sports bar-type hangouts over clubbing at night
• not being a girly girl
• believing in stuff (God, faith, hope, love)
• not having a celebrity crush
• drinking tap water
• being a designer
• exercising at night (which limits weeknight hangouts)

Peach coke floats, m&m caramel apples and gyros

• My triumphant return to running. I have run outside a total of three times now for 1.7 miles each time. Once right before the hurricane and my dad thought I was crazy. I am happy to report that no gusts of wind blew me astray. Running outside makes me feel at peace with the world. I love greeting people that I run past and seeing the changes in my neighborhood. I love the breeze of open, fresh air. I love propelling myself forward with each new step against the pavement.
• Compliments while swimming. I am not a great swimmer. I am purely a recreational swimmer who tries to stay fit. When someone compliments me on my technique, no matter their “workout” intentions, I am proud at how far I’ve come. In January, I was so scared of the idea of swimming, possibly drowning and struggled to keep a breathing pattern of every three strokes. Now, eight months later, I have discovered more efficient ways of swimming and conserving my energy. I can swim the length of the pool breathing every nine to eleven strokes. Breathing less makes me feel like I’m going faster, but it wears out my arms more quickly. I am slowly eliminating my under arm fat. No jiggles!
• Humility. Well, look at that. When I was getting too proud and looking down upon others, I get hit in the head (literally) and get a concussion. Being concussed scared me a lot and helped me put more of life in perspective. There is so much more to live for with the friendships and help of others than being selfish and thinking I can get by in life on my own.
• Support. I love my teammates. Sitting with me on the sidelines. Driving me to the hospital. Visiting me at the hospital after the game. Emails and chats. I am really glad to know that people care about my health even when I am clumsy and injury-prone.
• Sleep and rest. After a long summer of overtime, busyness and general craziness, I am glad that my slackened work agenda and the concussion is allowing and forcing me to rest. It is good to take care of myself.
• La familia. So what if one of them gets really angry at me for days. So what if one of them annoys me at times. When it matters, they are there for me. They stayed up until 1 a.m. the night of my concussion waiting for me to get home safely. They weren’t angry at all at the situation but glad I was safe and had fabulous friends to take care of me. They were also very glad that I have health insurance bc my life includes many accidents.
• The county fair. My home. I felt so at peace while at the fair this year and I was excited to share it with people who had never been to the fair before. I met great people in the knitting department and learned more about how the overall fair is run. I love logistics. I was also able to give back to my tents and help them move out. Those tents have been a huge blessing in my life and I could never repay them for the lessons they’ve taught me and growth they’ve provided. There’s really no better bonding than nine days straight in blistering heat, torrential rains and long hours with fabulous Christian brothers and sisters.